22: Teach Children To Observe, Decide, And Act For A Happier Life

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What if the fastest way to help your child thrive is to slow everything down? We walk through a simple framework—observe, decide, act—that turns everyday hiccups into quiet masterclasses in judgment, confidence, and real-life skills. Instead of punishing mistakes or rushing to fix them, we show how to coach calm attention, invite better choices, and support follow-through so kids feel capable and proud of what they can do.

We start with a clear definition of ability that goes beyond talent: the capacity to notice what matters, choose a next step, and take clean action. You’ll hear a step-by-step breakdown of the “broken glass” moment most families know too well, and how to transform it from stress into skill-building. Then we widen the lens. With concrete prompts you can use at the table, in the park, or at a ballgame, we train kids to read environments, people, and consequences—without turning life into a quiz. You’ll learn why observation is the unsung foundation of good decisions and how to protect that step from hurry, heat, and hovering.

We also dig into individual motivation. Every child’s interests differ, so we explain how to spot sparks, rotate experiences, and stack small wins where curiosity lives. For preteens and teens, we replace blanket bans on “bad influences” with sharper questions that build independent judgment: How does this friend act under pressure? Do they respect their family? Do they seem genuinely happy? These grounded reads help young people choose their circle with eyes open. Finally, we share practical tools and free guides that sharpen what to look for, much like a pro sees details on a roof others miss.

If you’re ready to swap lectures for lasting ability—to help your child look wider, decide wiser, and act with less drama—press play. If this resonates, subscribe, share with a friend who needs a calmer plan, and leave a review with one moment you’ll handle differently next time.

Click Here to get your FREE Parents Survival Guide and Good Choices Downloads and Booklets!  

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Hello, everyone. Thank you for being here today. So we're going to be going over very specifically how to help your child improve their ability and happiness in life. But we're going to be taking a bit of a unique approach for us in that we're going to show you how to do this when they're very, very young and what ability really is as you might define it, and then how to apply that to them right now to your teen or preteen, which we'll go over at the end. So let's start out with what ability is and how to look at this in our unique way, Mike.

Observe, Decide, Act: The Core Model

The Broken Glass Teaching Moment

Coaching Calm And Clear Decisions

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Sure. So we often talk about our little magic formula to look, learn, and practice. Okay. And that's like a universal approach to becoming competent or able to do things well in life, to look at things, to learn about them, and to practice. Okay. And there is a parallel set of terms that apply to ability. It's a bit of a specialized definition of ability, three different uh skills that add up to uh what ability means, and that is to observe, to make decisions, and to act. Okay. Very parallel to look, learn, and practice. But there's this observing, making decisions, and acting. And the a parent has to realize that it doesn't necessarily come natural, okay? It's not something that you're you're you're born with. These things have to be, these things have to be brought about. You could say that the potential is is naturally there, right? But when when a child is growing up, especially in the early ages, they they don't have the ability. Well, let's just take a crazy outside example. Like they don't know how to walk on their hands. I mean, to start with, they don't know how to walk, okay? And they have to, right? They have to be gotten to observe to make decisions, act. I mean, that's that's the okay. All the parents that we're talking to, they they've already gotten their child walking, right? We hope, or you know, maybe if they're if they're physically capable of doing so. But but walking on your hands, okay. Like obviously they don't know how to do that. They would have to they would have to observe and decide is that something that they want to try to pursue. There's gonna be a lot of practicing, a lot of acting that's gonna go into that, right? If if they were gonna learn how to do that. But that's an extreme example. Most parents have had the experience of getting a child to help with something as simple in the house as setting the setting the table for dinner. Okay. And then, but let's say let's but they're they're not experts at at controlling objects in the world around them. Okay, that they're they're three years old, four years old, five, eight years old, whatever. You're trying to get them to do these various things, like setting the table or other things around the house, and they're gonna make mistakes. So they maybe are helping out. They're most kids are very willing to help and and and are proud of the things that they can do well, but then but then they drop, let's say, a glass, okay, and the glass shatters. Okay. Well, they might just run right out of the room, right? Right. What are you gonna do in that situation and how can we use this this tool and this definition of of ability to observe, to make decisions, to act? Well, let's back it up to first uh our our more common formula that we talk about to to look, learn, and practice. The parent is in a situation there where suddenly they see this uh explosion and there's a glass, and the child runs out of the room. Okay. What can the what what uh that's a that's a situation where any parent could could be pretty upset, right, that that just happened. Okay. But the parent can put this tool to use. And and this actually comes from comes from its application in in in public speaking, okay. And to remain calm and to bring about the result that you want to bring about in this child, the first thing you're gonna have to do, parent, is look around. And and let's let's not just focus in on this broken glass. Look around the room and look at all the things that are not broken. Okay. This is the one of the just a simple step in the direction of just remaining kind of calm, how to take a deep breath, and just like, all right, let's look around. And okay, we've we've got a nice room here, and there's a lot of things right about this, but we've got this glass that's now shattered by the kitchen table or the dining room table. What do we want to do about it? Well, let's let's make the decision. The next step of ability after observing is to make decisions. So you'd have to decide. Uh, are you going to punish the child for having broken and dropped this glass, which will result in no increase in ability, right? That punishment is not part of the definition. It's nowhere in there to say, yeah, let the child, you know, no. Punishing the child is not part of ability. Okay, it doesn't bring about ability. You're gonna have to make the decision, if you care to, to increase that child's ability to handle the environment and and and and and with the with the goal in mind that you're you're helping them to grow up to be able to handle the world around them in a skilled fashion so that they can get along well in life. That's any parent's hope for their future child, right? So the child's run out of the room. Well, you have to coax them back into the room and then get them to observe. That's the first step of the definition of ability to observe. Ask them what do they see? Well, uh, you know, I don't see anything. Okay. Well, okay, but what do you see right there? Well, it's the uh the glass that I dropped. Okay, well, you know, don't beat yourself up about it, or don't let the child beat themselves up about it. Just you just want them to, well, how it may maybe you need to ask them, how many pieces do you see? Let's count the number of pieces. This will get them interested. This gets this is this is an increase in their observation skills. Okay, well, let's count how many pieces there are. Okay, now don't put your fingers all in there and stuff, right? This is sharp glass and stuff, but okay, let's and so they count it up. It's like, well, there's three big ones there, and then there's yeah, one, two, three. This is if they can count, right? We have right if they if they're not up to that level, it's just like maybe that's not part of the step. But whatever you can do, parent, to get them to really look it over, okay, and see what's there in front of them, you want to increase that. Okay, that's part of increasing their ability. All right, now they've observed this thing. What do you want to do about it? Depending on their age and their familiarity with things and how many art classes they've taken in school or anything like that, they might come up with all kinds of different things. You're asking them to make a decision. What do you think needs to be done about it? Well, I should probably sweep it up and throw it in the trash. Okay, great. If that's what they come up with, and you you could ask them, well, is that is that what you want to do with it? Or is that the best thing to do? Well, I you know, I we should probably glue it back together again. You know, maybe they come up with that as a solution. Whatever it is that you get them to to decide is the best thing to do in that situation, help them to do it. That's the third thing. They've made the decision. Well, should probably put it in the trash. Great. Well, since you know, that glass is gonna cut the plastic trash bag, right? What else could we put it in? You know? Well, let's put it in a paper bag and then put it in the trash bag and then, you know, whatever. Help them through that process and then get them to do that. Great. So let's go get a paper bag. Here's the dustpan, here's this, here's that. Help them out, help them to do it. You're now increasing their ability and they're and they're they're learning how to do something that they that they have not done before. And when when they're all done, that's it. You've done your job as a parent, you've increased their ability.

Turning Mistakes Into Learning

Adapting To Each Child’s Interests

SPEAKER_01 9:29

That's so cool. I really like that. And I just have to say, I know that we're going to go over this later, and you're going to explain how to use that technique with preteens and teens. But I know when I was first learning this and helping people with it, and I started to adopt it in my life, it was interesting. It was a different reflex than perhaps what I had been conditioned, quote unquote, to do, where you know, you mess up and then you kind of get upset and withdraw. Right. And instead I found myself, if I messed up, looking and learning from that and then being able to make decisions and acting. And it was so much, it it didn't make it okay to mess up, of course, but it made it more of a therapeutic process than something that I had to get over or whatever. So I just wanted to come, I thought of that as you were talking about. I was like, oh yeah, that was kind of a changing or turning point for me as well. So nice. Yeah, yeah, it's very cool stuff. So, but to bring this back to parents and using this, are there any examples where you have applied this to someone you're teaching or helping, and that that person was then able to get a better result from situations they ran into in life or something?

Guiding Observation In The Real World

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Sure. I've worked with parents and had their kids doing communications classes and all kinds of stuff. Little kids, there's nothing cuter than having sitting a couple of kids in some chairs and having them look at each other, little brother, brother and sister and having them look at each other and and not uh giggle or be embarrassed or do all these different things. And and yeah, I I'm thinking of a particular parent that I was working with at one of my life improvement centers some years ago, and and getting the parent to observe that these two different children are very different people. Okay. That's part of the that's part of the observation process for the parent is to look and see. We cannot expect every child to be interested or want to do exactly the same things. Okay. Do they have uh a potential of being able to learn equally as well as somebody else? Sure. Anyone can't. There are exact steps to learning how to do things. But you have to observe that child's level of interest in wanting to do that thing. You know some parents will say like they all they they all came in differently, you know. And and parents recognize a lot of parents will recognize that that that no matter the schooling, each child is going to sort of gravitate towards different areas, right? And that's just part of the observation process that the parents have to do. And then and then to flow that back to the kids on observation, how do you know what they're interested in if they if that child hasn't been given the opportunity to observe those things? Well, okay. They need to be given the opportunity to see a lot of different things, and then and and they can be assisted in the observation by asking them questions. Well, what do you see? And and you've brought them maybe to a ball game to watch some baseball. And it's like, do they look like they're having fun? And what do you see over there? Well, he looks like he's angry, you know. It's like, well, yeah, that coach looks like he's angry, all right. And is that the type of coach you would want to, you know, play for? No, you know, right? Let's like let's get them looking around and identifying things in their environment and making decisions based on what they observe. And and and them by each one of the kids by their own level of interest, whatever's inherent in them, they'll get interested in pursuing certain things. And when they've made those decisions, you then assist them to move along in that direction.

SPEAKER_01 14:00

That makes so much sense. I I feel like there are probably a lot of kids who never fully get that observation step in. And so who knows if they're even looking at the thing that they might be interested in.

Friends, Influence, And Independent Judgment

SPEAKER_00 14:17

Correct. Correct. And and one of the key things, and I mentioned those communication drills that you can have children do, good for adults as well. But uh just uh people watching, you know, getting kids to look at people and identify are they do they look like they're happy? Are they having fun? We always like to remind parents and students and the kids that learning is fun. Okay. And so let's identify well, who's who's having fun, what are they doing, what are they learning about? Let's just keep that up as a constant subject because their success in life, the six the future success of those children, is it does lie in their ability to learn. And and since learning is fun, then let's move them in the direction of having more and more fun doing the things that they want to do, which will not be to throw snowballs at the cars that are going down the street. Okay. I mean, that's it, you know, maybe there's some kid in the neighborhood that tries to, you know, convince your kid that that's the thing to do because it's fun. And it's like, well, let's let's have that let's have your your child uh look this kid over. Look this kid over. Do they seem like they get along well with their parents? Why are they what's going on there? Like, like let's let's turn this into an observational and learning opportunity, right? And and let's let's get them interested in doing in doing fun, constructive, pro-survival activities.

SPEAKER_01 16:03

That's so powerful, you know, because as you were saying that, I'm thinking, well, yeah, a lot of times what you hear is don't hang out with Suzy Q or Joey or whatever because he's a bad influence, or I don't like the way he X, Y, and Z, right? And then instead of that, you're just tapping into something you've nurtured, hopefully, over the years, which is allowing the child or the young adult to observe. And when they observe, they're actually going to see that, hey, this isn't so cool, or you know, I think you know it just makes so much more sense than this blind guiding of who people or who your children associate with.

Build Decisions On Rich Observation

SPEAKER_00 16:50

Right, absolutely. The process, which I've I've seen, it doesn't result in any greater ability on the part of the child. They have to be gotten to make their own observations. Okay. And and having made those observations, they can then decide things. You can't rush it into, you better decide right now, young Johnny, right? That you're never gonna do that again. It's like you're you're you're pushing it. But he doesn't have the ability to make that decision. Right. He's gonna have to do a lot more observing to be able to come to those decisions. And and so let's back it up. We're always talking about backing it up, and this is just a useful thing. They they can't they can't act or do the things, the third part of the definition of ability, if they haven't made those decisions. And and they can't make those decisions, those positive decisions in life, if they are lacking in the observation. So a whole lot more observing needs to be done before they can be expected to make good decisions. Right. Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Yeah, and I I really like that it it's not just, well, is that person good or bad, or are they uh someone you should hang out or not? But like what are they actually doing? How do they get along with other people, their parents? You know, do they actually look happy and like really observing, not just kind of having an idea?

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Correct. Yeah, getting them to look at it.

Tools, Booklets, And Next Steps

SPEAKER_01 18:35

Yeah. Anyways, very powerful, I think. So awesome. I think that's a really good place to end off, actually, because this is the tool. This is what anyone, you know, obviously this is for parents, but anyone who's listening to this can, you know, help others look and see what's really going on, and then make changes based off of that as they realize they are needed based off of their own looking.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

Correct. And I I just want to add this this one one little thing at the end here of like, okay, this just comes from my background and working in construction, right? But someone will say, Well, uh, can you come look at my roof? Well, sure, okay, I'll come look at your roof.

unknown 19:23

Right.

SPEAKER_00 19:23

And I can go look at somebody's roof, and I have I have more familiarity than maybe somebody else at what what I'm what I'm looking for. Okay. Somebody could somebody else could come by and say, Well, I looked at the roof, looks fine, right? They don't know what they're looking for, right? So there are there are expectations, and you have to have to be very specific and like what are we looking for? Which is why we provide those those booklets, like the how to make good choices booklet as one of our free downloads for parents, in and guiding what are we looking at? What are we trying to see? Okay. And and those those chapters in that book, the good choices booklet, give something that the child can look around and see. They can look for these various things, who's making good choices, who's making bad choices, and and and they can be guided in their observation abilities. And so I just want to end off with that as an additional tool.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Perfect. Makes so much sense. And for anybody listening who wants to check those out, show notes right at the top. I put the link in there. You can just click on that and download for free both the physical and just the electronic copies of those booklets that Mike is talking about. So thank you everyone for listening and stay tuned for our next episode.